last week, i asked you guys to
help me decide what to blog about.
and well the bits & bobs' votes are in,
and you guys voted for a
ha ha ha
"pee your pants story."
i'll be touching on the
other topics as well,
but i thought why not start
this rainy monday
with a few laughs.
i've titled it,
"i'm sorry wonder woman (again)."
since many of you may recall
a story from a few months back
on a similar topic.
***
i should mention,
that i've been cautioned
by some wise sisters
to not share this story.
they are right,
and i've thoughtfully considered their points.
but there is a side of me,
or all of me,
that can't help myself.
i believe raw moments like these connect us.
i believe stories are worth telling.
and i always believe in the power of a good laugh!
also i love a creative challenge,
so it may mean that you'll need
to use your imagination
to figure some of this out.
but I promise,
it won't be that hard.
***
once upon a time
(last tuesday)
there was a girl
who was
invited by
a friend to attend
a women's leadership conference.
the little girl
(woman)
was thrilled,
as she was just coming
off a rough month
of saying no
to a lot of things,
due to a concussion.
the girl
was also excited to
attend one of
these big women's events,
since she used to attend or produce them all the time
when she worked in corporate.
this event would provide her
with the opportunity to appreciate and soak
it all in from the entrepreneurial side,
and as part of her research for what she
is working to build build.
her only reservation
(concern)
was that she had just
started her
whole 30 journey,
so being at
an all day conference
in the midst of
a detox
could pose some issues.
but alas,
she put on her big girl shoes
(heels),
and
fueled her body up
(whole 30 approved breakfast and lots of water too).
she kissed her
kids and husband goodbye,
and set-off to gather with thousands of women,
for a day of research, inspiration and empowerment!
***
the girl
(country girl)
always anticipates the amount
of traffic during
boston rush hour.
this was not
her first rodeo.
but...
on this particular day,
the traffic was some of the worst she's ever seen.
and well...
the whole 30 detox,
and effects of the morning's water intake
was doing it's work.
meaning,
the girl
was overcome with a sudden
and most urgent urge to find a rest stop.
but when en route to boston,
this is not an option.
***
so the girl did three things.
1.
she called a friend,
put her on speaker,
and told her to just keep talking,
with hopes that it would distract her.
2.
she wished that she had
brought an extra set
of clothes,
which she always does,
for countless reasons
(coffee spills, weather, or comfort),
but alas she was out of practice.
3.
she texted her husband
to tell him not not be surprised
if he got a call that his wife
was picked up by an
ambulance for a ruptured body part.
seriously.
this was legit...
painful...
excruciating...
and well really happening.
***
there was one other
known factor
that should be mentioned.
the girl
was en route to a women's conference.
and well...
the lines for certain rooms
(men's & women's)
are crazy long,
way more so than at fenway park
or any bar.
while she did not doubt that her friendly grit would enable her to cut the line,
she did doubt her ability to even make it to the line.
***
she eventually parked
her car below the
world trade center,
gathered her things,
checked her reflection in the mirror,
gave herself a pep talk,
and exited the vehicle.
she was then overcome with
a level of urgency that she has never EVER experienced.
there was no way she was getting
out of that parking garage,
onto the elevator,
up to the conference center,
and into the front of any lines.
nope.
***
so instead of channeling
an inner-wonder woman,
she channeled her 10 year old son,
and found the closest thing to a tree
she could find.
and because she was underneath
the city of boston,
the closest thing to a tree was a parked truck
rows away from where other people
were parking and exiting their cars.
so she grit her teeth and waddled,
with tears rolling down her face,
to behind a truck
in row m.
***
at this point in the story,
i suggest that my brothers and
any other male readers stop reading.
***
in anticipation of
splatter from the concrete floors,
the girl decided it best to take off her
pants & shoes for this
parking garage squat.
this was bold,
and not often required when
on a hike or in the woods near a ball field.
but remember, she did not have
a spare set of clothes,
and she would be spending her day sitting besides
thousands of women
so she discarded her garments,
and did what was needed.
***
unfortunately though,
while she anticipated the splatter from the concrete,
she did not anticipate the force in which
the flushing would exit her body,
resulting in a somewhat
unexplained bumper spray and lots of splashing.
gosh,
whole 30 detox is legit.
also,
in case you didn't know,
concrete is not absorbent...
not even slightly.
so the girl had to quickly,
and in mid-stream,
rescue her discarded garments and bag
from the rushing rivers that
were quickly approaching her things.
it was a scene,
i am sure was captured
by security cameras,
and may show-up on youtube some day.
***
but yup,
it happened.
it was my only choice.
honestly.
i'll plead this in a court of law
if they come after me for
indecent behavior in public space.
***
but let me tell you,
thank GOOOOOODNESS i'm an oiler.
because after a quick clean-up
with some tissues
i freshened up
with my
thieves purifier,
a few sprays of my lemon body spray,
and a roll-on of valor to calm my rattled self.
then i put myself back together,
slipped into my heels
and proceeded to
join
some amazing women
who have also conquered great things.
is it bad,
that i thought about approaching
them to see if they wanted me to tell my story from the stage?
i mean it was packed with
strategic thinking,
strength through vulnerability,
mindfulness and
true bad ass grit,
right?
or maybe
i should just file it as another
"sorry wonder woman"
moments.
i'll let you decide.
***
p.s.
i'm now on day 7 of whole 30,
feeling great,
and not too traumatized by
the effects
of so much water intake.
but to keep myself motivated,
i bought this gallon sized water jug that
has messages of encouragement throughout the day.
so if you see me doing a little dance,
get out of my way,
you never know what may happen!
