Friday, June 8, 2018

bustle bonker bits


wednesday was one of those days on the calendars
when you say...
giddyup...
bring it...
it's gonna be b, capital b, bonkers!

here are a few of those
b...bonkers...bits & bobs
that made me smile in the midst of the bustle.

bennett's bus bye bye
black pumps for mama's day in the office
bad ass birthday boy....
or jane's "boyfriends"
best coach thank you box
best buddies
band concert
baseball playoffs
backyard bouquet for the ella
backyard bubbles


Sunday, June 3, 2018

weekend toasts


this weekend i toasted
the end of a tough week...
a dear friend on his 40th...
in memoriam of a friend's loss...
high school graduates...
the parents of high school graduates...
summer days to come...

coffee cups before a full saturday...
water bottles at a soccer game...
ice cream cones at a t-ball game...
gatorade at a little league game...
popsicles in our backyard...
communion cups with the lord...

while kids splashes in the pool...
while watching a movie on the lawn with friends...
while barbecuing with cousins...
while cleaning pollen covered counters...
while crying sad and happy tears with sisters...
while planting tomato plants.

cheers to the kind of weekends 
that make you feel all the feels,
so you toast them all.

Friday, June 1, 2018

show & tell


today was my baby's and our family's
very last pre-school show & tell day.

i can't remember if there is
show & tell in kindergarten...
but i can tell you there isn't one in middle school.

a final after...

all those years of marking show & tell 
on the family wall calendar...

all those hustle mornings to make sure 
we remember to remember the show & tell item...

all those mornings of trying to remember, 
what alphabet letter goes with show & tell that week (l-m-n-o-p?)...

all those times I was sure that the show & tell item the child is excited about 
was thrown away or donated...

all those moments in the pre-school parking lot
searching underneath seats, the trunk or my bag
for a last minute (brilliant) show & tell item....

all those stairs we've climbed after seeing
classmates' show & tell items
while assuring my child that the item he or she brought in was just as cool...

all those calls from the teacher saying,
my child is sad they forgot their show & tell item,
might i be able to bring something by...

all those drives back to pre-school 
to bring in the forgotten show & tell item....

all those mama guilt moments,
while sweet teachers assure me that i wasn’t the only one who forgot...

all those many no's to suggested show & tell items
that i knew their pre-school teacher did not want to define circle time,
(light sabers, slime or fragile family heirlooms).

so on the morning of my baby's and our family's 
very last pre-school show & tell,
i said a big fat YES to bringing in the family fish.


Sunday, May 27, 2018

twenty years ago on a friday night we...


twenty years ago on a friday night we...
 were eighteen years old,
seniors in high school,
best of friends.

twenty years ago on a friday night we...
dressed up fancy,
pinned corsages,
went on this first date.

twenty years ago on a friday night we...
danced,
dined,
made memories with dear friends.

twenty years ago on a friday night we...
held hands,
had our first kiss, 
 fell in love.

twenty years ago on a friday night we...
 went from high school buds,
to high school sweethearts,
 to happily ever after.


while this past friday night,
looked a little different than the one that
brought us together twenty years ago...
potted plants instead of corsages,
food trucks instead of 3-course meals,
barn dancing instead of ballroom dancing,
flip flops instead of heels,
plaid instead of metallic,
friends' band instead of dj jazzy jeff,
bug spray instead of perfume,
the life and love is still just as sweet.

i am so thankful for that friday night TWENTY years ago,
and all the friday nights and days in between that are to come!

Friday, May 25, 2018

sprinting & passenger seats


sprinting...
my girl around a track,
and me from moment to moment as a mom.

sprinting...
my girl like a gazelle, lean and fast across the finish line...
and me like a pack mule (physically & mentally)
getting us from thing to thing.

sprinting...
my girl shooting off the line when the gun goes off,
and me with lots of false starts in and out of the house 
grabbing the countless things we need (baseball cup), 
forgot (my brain), or have to return (ahem overdue library books).

sprinting...
my girl being cheered on by the crowd, clapping and hugs,
and me cheering her on, clapping and hugs.

sprinting...
my girl getting a time, for how fast she went,
and me getting the eye roll because we are late again.

sprinting...
my girl striving for states,
and me striving for this day.

sprinting...
my girl reaching for her water bottle out of breath and owning it,
and me reaching for my iced coffee & oils, deep cleansing breaths and owning it.

sprinting...
my girl tossing the uniform in the hamper at the end of the day, 
and me washing the uniform at the end of the day.

sprinting...
my girl teaming and high fiving with her people,
and me teaming and high fiving with my people.

sprinting...
my girl doing a thing god made her for,
and me doing a thing god made me for.

sprinting...
sometimes it looks like that picture of my girl up there, 
and sometimes it looks like my car.


yesterday i looked at my passenger seat and thought,
oh yes...that right there... a picture of life right now.
messy & ridiculous.

passenger seat filled, 
because my back seats and trunk 
were filled with kids, friends and all their stuff.

passenger seat filled with gear,
including the baseball cup i had to run back in and grab.

passenger seat filled with
overdue library books and a half-eaten donut.

passenger seat filled with my feminist handbag,
and jane's bean plant that is somehow thriving in my cup holder.

it was a good mama moment.
one that quickly ended by my kids saying
"mom, why are you taking a picture...we are going to be late!"
right, right.
sprinting...

and then...
with buckles fastened, tunes blasting, prayers lifted,
sprinting on to the next thing...
i drove right over jane's beloved 2-wheeler.
smushed...
just like the dinner underneath all those heavy bags up there.

happy sprinting and loving
dear readers!


Wednesday, May 9, 2018

painting pity party


today the kids and i were
supposed to have a fun after school adventure
to a tulip farm.

and oh my goodness was i excited for it.
an afternoon together,
not at some ball field,
in some car pool,
 or stuck inside doing some homework.

it was going to be dreamy.
but instead it was dreadful.

arguing and pushing within minutes 
of getting in the car with each other.

squawking about the glorious spring wind 
coming through the sun roof.

tween girl who couldn't seem to muster 
anything other than one word responses,
but had the eye role perfected.

boy who declared tulips
were so stuuuuuuuuuuuuuupid.

little sister who
did not think a tulip farm was an
actual "adventure."

but mostly a mama 
whose feelings were really, really hurt.

so i pulled the classic...
"forget it"...
turn the car around and head back home...
"i can't believe after all i do for you, 
you can't do this one thing for me"...
clenching the steering wheel...
"nope, it's too late"...
looking straight ahead...
 "it's obvious how you guys feel about me"...
eyes filled to the brim with the kind of tears where the kids aren't sure...
is she sad...or is she mad.

i was both.
it was a full blown pity party.

so i came home,
and told them to figure out their afternoon...
"i was done."
and then had my own painting pity party in the backyard,
dreaming about the farm and tulips and memories with friends
we were supposed to have...
while torturing myself knowing i should have mama rallied, 
been the bigger person, given grace.

but i guess my pathetic pity party painting 
of the tulips will have to do.
the question is, 
will i, can i, look at it
with mama joy...or only mama regret.

Thursday, May 3, 2018

not freaking out


that moment,
when you come downstairs and see food coloring
in the grips of the littlest sister
and you don't freak out.

it was a moment.
a moment that i feel so defines this 
phase we are in.

little sister just doing a science project with her big sister.
little sister just skiing down a mountain.
little sister just riding her two wheeler.
little sister just getting her own breakfast.
little sister just emptying the dishwasher.
little sister just marching in the parade with her t-ball team.
little sister just wiggling her first loose tooth.
little sister just swimming without a floatie.
little sister just wiping her own tushie.
little sister just not acting so little.

i guess we are here now.
and, well...
i may not be freaking out,
but my heart sure is bursting.