twenty years ago on a friday night we...

twenty years ago on a friday night we...

 were eighteen years old,

seniors in high school,

best of friends.

twenty years ago on a friday night we...

dressed up fancy,

pinned corsages,

went on this first date.

twenty years ago on a friday night we...
danced,
dined,
made memories with dear friends.

twenty years ago on a friday night we...

held hands,

had our first kiss, 

 fell in love.

twenty years ago on a friday night we...

 went from high school buds,

to high school sweethearts,

 to happily ever after.

while this past friday night,
looked a little different than the one that
brought us together twenty years ago...
potted plants instead of corsages,
food trucks instead of 3-course meals,
barn dancing instead of ballroom dancing,
flip flops instead of heels,
plaid instead of metallic,
friends' band instead of dj jazzy jeff,
bug spray instead of perfume,
the life and love is still just as sweet.

i am so thankful for that friday night TWENTY years ago,
and all the friday nights and days in between that are to come!

sprinting & passenger seats

sprinting...

my girl around a track,

and me from moment to moment as a mom.

sprinting...

my girl like a gazelle, lean and fast across the finish line...

and me like a pack mule (physically & mentally)

getting us from thing to thing.

sprinting...

my girl shooting off the line when the gun goes off,

and me with lots of false starts in and out of the house 

grabbing the countless things we need (baseball cup), 

forgot (my brain), or have to return (ahem overdue library books).

sprinting...

my girl being cheered on by the crowd, clapping and hugs,

and me cheering her on, clapping and hugs.

sprinting...

my girl getting a time, for how fast she went,

and me getting the eye roll because we are late again.

sprinting...

my girl striving for states,

and me striving for this day.

sprinting...

my girl reaching for her water bottle out of breath and owning it,

and me reaching for my iced coffee & oils, deep cleansing breaths and owning it.

sprinting...

my girl tossing the uniform in the hamper at the end of the day, 

and me washing the uniform at the end of the day.

sprinting...

my girl teaming and high fiving with her people,

and me teaming and high fiving with my people.

sprinting...

my girl doing a thing god made her for,

and me doing a thing god made me for.

sprinting...

sometimes it looks like that picture of my girl up there, 

and sometimes it looks like my car.

yesterday i looked at my passenger seat and thought,

oh yes...that right there... a picture of life right now.

messy & ridiculous.

passenger seat filled, 

because my back seats and trunk 

were filled with kids, friends and all their stuff.

passenger seat filled with gear,

including the baseball cup i had to run back in and grab.

passenger seat filled with

overdue library books and a half-eaten donut.

passenger seat filled with my feminist handbag,

and jane's bean plant that is somehow thriving in my cup holder.

it was a good mama moment.

one that quickly ended by my kids saying

"mom, why are you taking a picture...we are going to be late!"

right, right.

sprinting...

and then...

with buckles fastened, tunes blasting, prayers lifted,

sprinting on to the next thing...

i drove right over jane's beloved 2-wheeler.

smushed...

just like the dinner underneath all those heavy bags up there.

happy sprinting and loving

dear readers!

painting pity party

today the kids and i were

supposed to have a fun after school adventure

to a tulip farm.

and oh my goodness was i excited for it.

an afternoon together,

not at some ball field,

in some car pool,

 or stuck inside doing some homework.

it was going to be dreamy.

but instead it was dreadful.

arguing and pushing within minutes 

of getting in the car with each other.

squawking about the glorious spring wind 

coming through the sun roof.

tween girl who couldn't seem to muster 

anything other than one word responses,

but had the eye role perfected.

boy who declared tulips

were so stuuuuuuuuuuuuuupid.

little sister who

did not think a tulip farm was an

actual "adventure."

but mostly a mama 

whose feelings were really, really hurt.

so i pulled the classic...

"forget it"...

turn the car around and head back home...

"i can't believe after all i do for you, 

you can't do this one thing for me"...

clenching the steering wheel...

"nope, it's too late"...

looking straight ahead...

 "it's obvious how you guys feel about me"...

eyes filled to the brim with the kind of tears where the kids aren't sure...

is she sad...or is she mad.

i was both.

it was a full blown pity party.

so i came home,

and told them to figure out their afternoon...

"i was done."

and then had my own painting pity party in the backyard,

dreaming about the farm and tulips and memories with friends

we were supposed to have...

while torturing myself knowing i should have mama rallied, 

been the bigger person, given grace.

but i guess my pathetic pity party painting 

of the tulips will have to do.

the question is, 

will i, can i, look at it

with mama joy...or only mama regret.

not freaking out

that moment,

when you come downstairs and see food coloring

in the grips of the littlest sister

and you don't freak out.

it was a moment.

a moment that i feel so defines this 

phase we are in.

little sister just doing a science project with her big sister.

little sister just skiing down a mountain.

little sister just riding her two wheeler.

little sister just getting her own breakfast.

little sister just emptying the dishwasher.

little sister just marching in the parade with her t-ball team.

little sister just wiggling her first loose tooth.

little sister just swimming without a floatie.

little sister just wiping her own tushie.

little sister just not acting so little.

i guess we are here now.

and, well...

i may not be freaking out,

but my heart sure is bursting.