Wednesday, December 19, 2012
my aching mama heart
it took me days to process the news of last friday. i couldn't hear it, read it, see it. i stayed away from the tv, radio, email, computer, facebook. i wouldn't believe it. i couldn't cry. i couldn't pray. i was numb.
the bits i knew were from wes - wrapped in his sweet voice - protecting me from the brutal reality of what happened. the words of my pastor on sunday morning of hope and promise - yet i was unable to connect it since i still hadn't acknowledged it...seen it...read it..heard it..believed it.
i could love though. i could cuddle my kids longer. i could say yes more. i could see them better. i could hear them clearer. i could tuck them in tighter. and that's when it hit me, broke me, shattered me... that all those mamas in newtown can't.
so bit by bit - i opened my laptop to read, see and hear. to see those faces. to say those names. to read age 6, age 6, age 6 over and over again while my own 6 year old is safe and happy at home.
oh how my mama heart aches for those families...mourns with tears to fill a river...and prays to our loving father in heaven to wrap his arms around them, us and those who have entered his gates too soon.
i can't really say that i believe it anymore now than when i didn't know. but i can say that with deep sadness and brokenness there is love and hope to be found.
a call to love more...to hope more. a call to come together and carry this heavy burden together, as one body, family, community, nation in a way that brings change. brings more love. brings more hope.
we just have to.