Monday, November 7, 2011

all at once

as we transitioned into september, kindergarten, new schedules, new assignments and more -  i focused, planned and prayed that the flurry of a new season wouldn't get the better of me (don't we all?!). that i wouldn't over commit. that i wouldn't stay up too late. that i wouldn't let go of that relaxed summer perspective. that i wouldn't let phrases like "things are sooo busy" or "it's crazy" roll off my lips. that i would be intentional and thoughtful as we settled into a new rhythm.
you know what? it was going pretty well. we were rockin' september, kindergarten, new schedules, new projects, new assignments. things were humming along. i sort of felt like oh yeah baby...bring it on, i like this! so much to look forward to. so much to enjoy. so much to be thankful for.

but then, october hit. all at once.  seriously.  all at once things like this...
excitement and fun over unpacking ella's backpack every day to see what new things she was learning, and what school news was being sent home - turned into being completely overwhelmed by all the papers.  what am i suppose to do with all these? what am i missing? what can i toss?

new mommy-bennett adventures & fun - turned into the craze of potty training lock down. carrying the potty to the bus stop, to the library, to church, to friends' house. stepping in poo and gagging while cleaning up a doozy (sorry). ugh, i'm so done with poo!

relaxing evenings at home with wes - turned into different schedules with one of us being out a few nights a week. late nights watching teams lose. and not nearly enough conversation and togetherness.

dust i could have cared less about in august, was driving me insane in october. crayon marks on the walls that had been there for months turned into a desire to repaint entire rooms.

eagerness to help out, volunteer, get involved - turned into co-leading a girl scout troop. being the classroom yearbook coordinator. assignments to help with rif (what the heck is rif?!). an easy pasta salad assignment for the teacher appreciation luncheon, that i somehow burned (who burns pasta?!).

i got a new boss. a new role. a new opportunity. it's exciting - but it's new, different, uncomfortable.'s all at once.
10 o'clock bedtimes - turned into 11:45 bedtimes.  gorgeous 70 degree days turned into a nor'easter!

being 10 minutes early to the bus stop and easy morning routines - turned into missing the bus, eating breakfast on the run and morning tussles over what to wear.

summer days of abandoned to-do lists - turned into a search for a new calendar planner. losing scrap to-do lists in the laundry. waking in the middle of the night remembering something i forgot to do.

appreciation for all that wes does - turned into miscommunication, criticism and hurt feelings.

projects that were suppose to be fun & creative - turned aggravating and expensive.

plans with friends - turned into last minute cancellations and lack of motivation to reschedule.

all at once...

the realization hit me all at once too.  i was sitting at a table with sweet friends, at a lovely women's ministry brunch. a session that i almost decided not to go to, because "i was soooo busy."  a session about "being balanced - pressing on when time presses in." the perfect topic for this crazy time. yet i was so wrapped up in the chaos of the all at once, and thinking i had things under control that i almost didn't go.  but nope.  the lord got me out of my house on a cold rainy morning, put me in my car, and told me sit down girl and listen!
yup. i heard it..all at once. that these all at once moments are a gift. that these are the moments the lord has called me for. whether it's a minute, hour, day, week, month, year, many years. as a wife, mom, friend, believer.  in my career, community, home, family and faith. that these are the exact moments i have time for. embracing the all at once. making the most of the all at once. that when i'm present & intentional in the all at once i don't get distracted and slammed with more than i can handle. that when i embrace the all at once there is joy.
easy? absolutely not. still a wee crazy? for sure. but even in the exhaustion of potty training, depressing october nor'easters, overwhelming new work & pto assignments it isn't the all at once, but rather the in this moment that i'm striving for.  in the words of ann voskamp, one of my favorite authors...a dare to live fully right where i am...eucharisteo.

linking up with this sweet blog' picture me imperfectly...


  1. amen, sweet Erin! love this post, girl.

  2. beautiful. i feel like you just wrote my heart. utterly and completely. thank you for this reminder. oh, thank you, thank you. xoxox.

  3. whew, so good girl! :) love this post and your heart, thanks for sharing! and i love your sweet blog, so glad I found you! and your little one are so cute in those leaves!!

  4. yep yep...I hear ya on this one. :) I've been feeling that overwhelming sense of all at once too. Trying to breath deep and live in the moment. Thanks for the post!