dear sister

dear sister -
a moment to pause time and remember this phase.  you as the big sister times two!  sometimes i think this transition has been the biggest adjustment for you.  we knew it would be different this time around for you - being 6 and not 2 like you were when brother was born - but i wasn't prepared for just how much so. the joy, love and maturity along with the bit of sadness that make up your days i won't ever forget.

the joy and love you have for her is breath taking.  you loved this baby before she was born  - keeping track of my bump, baby kicks and 9 month countdown until the arrival.  i'll never forget how you kept the baby bump magazine in your backpack and under your pillow to weekly track mama's belly size alongside fruit produce.  and now that she's here your sweet care and tenderness is overflowing.  whether she's fussy or cooing you love on her in a way that melts my heart.   you have always been a wee reserved in your demonstration of affection... but everything changed for you when you met her. everything.

your maturity in how you care for baby sister is far beyond your 6 years.  your eyes when you look at jane and i together are incredibly reflective - taking it all in and dreaming of the day when you too will be a mama. what an amazing mama you will be sweet girl. the lord has given you the most nurturing spirit and beautiful heart.  even the way you carry and cuddle her amazes us all - despite our initial gasps when we first see you pick her up and walk her around the room like a pro. you've got that baby bounce mastered as well as some developing diaper changing skills!  and i  know one little boy who is very thankful to have you for a big sister!  thank you, thank you dear girl for being the best helper and big sister this family could have dreamed of. 


along with all the happiness and maturity, there is also a bit of sadness in those eyes these past few weeks. a longing to be little, unable to remember when your mom and dad loved on you when you were just as small.  a need for me to lay with you longer at bedtime. a melting into my lap and shoulder any chance you get.  a journey through baby pictures and stories from when you were small...when it was just you.  oh how i wish you could remember.  oh how i wish you truly knew that my mama heart and very being started all with you. 

in closing - i'm right there with you ella.  overflowing with joy and love, but sometimes very sad too.  but i wouldn't change a thing about it.  we adore you dear girl, sister, daughter...treasure.